music) (upbeat music) - Hello, and welcome to a special edition of Black Nouveau, I'm Earl Arms.

And we're talking about COVID-19 which has had a devastating effect on the black community here in Milwaukee.

African-Americans are contracting and dying of the virus at disproportionate rates.

Earlier this week, I co-moderated a Listen MKE Program with five Milwaukeeans who contracted the virus.

Listen MKE is a community project and partnership between the Ideas Lab of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, WUWM 89.7 FM Milwaukee's NPR, the Milwaukee Public Library and Milwaukee PBS.

We're gonna bring you excerpts from that program which was co-moderated by Arnitta Holliman.

- Thank you for having me, Earl.

You know my thoughts are that there's a lot going on right now.

And COVID has really devastated communities in many ways and particularly, the black community but I thought it was important that we have this conversation and really spend some time talking about how it's affecting our mental health.

- So glad that we're doing this and you're gonna lead the conversation with these four folks, the State Representative, David Bowen he's on the call also, Political Consultant, Arkesia Jackson.

We also have the Reverend Greg Lewis, Assistant Pastor at St. Gabriels Church of God In Christ and Simmone Kilgore, Licensed Professional Counselor.

So thank you all for joining us.

Arnitta, I'm gonna turn it over to you.

- Thank you.

Thank you all for agreeing to be a part of this conversation.

I'm excited for us to have this convo today and we're gonna have a candid conversation with each other about our experiences.

And so just to ask first, what were your thoughts when you first learned that you were positive for COVID-19?

- I guess I'll go ahead and go first.

I think I got COVID very much in the beginning of the spread of the contraction across the State.

So I think a lot of people put a face to a name that was somebody that they actually knew that had the virus.

I ended up contracting it from also another local person in my district in a cafe, ironically, and to that point it really was a myth in a lot of people's minds if it was even real.

And it was talked about, especially from the President of the United States, as if it was a hoax or as if it wasn't that big of a deal.

So a lot of my mind thoughts just wrapped around like trying to really shape that this actually is impacting folks in our community and right in our own backyard.

And then realizing that it's actually having that effect.

- Yeah.

Thanks Representative David.

Simmone, what was your experience?

What were your thoughts?

- I think for me in particular when I felt that I had contracted the virus I wasn't sure how because I had practiced social distancing and wearing my mask and being careful with cleaning my hands.

I was at my house so much working from home.

And so I had just been in the house like lifestyle and bleach and gloves.

And I really hadn't had a lot of contact with people.

I wasn't really sure and to this date I'm not sure where I contracted it from.

However, when I first felt like I had it, it was two days prior diagnosed by a medical professional.

And the first thing I thought was of course people live through this and this is not a specific death sentence and I did not want to get so sick that I needed to be hospitalized because at that time kind of what Representative David Bowen just spoke about was, you know the impact that it had on the community and all the things you hear on the news.

And so it made me feel like people that went to the hospital had a harder time recovering.

And so that was in my mind at the time although we learned so more since that time.

I was afraid to have it, but also to be around any loved ones, hope that I might see them passing.

I just didn't know the impact but I know physically, I felt horrible.

I had never felt anything like it in life before which is why I was so sure that it was COVID-19.

- Yeah, I contracted it from a family member.

And so it was, I already had symptoms by the time my cousin found out she was positive and she let us know.

I was wearing a mask at the time.

So I know exactly when it was.

And so my first thoughts were, Oh my God who am I gonna tell about this?

And two, I was concerned about my other family.

I just didn't want other people to be positive.

And so that was definitely a concern for me.

Arkesia, how about you?

What were your initial thoughts?

- It was a interesting ordeal.

I come from a background where most of the women in my family are nurses.

So we already had a conversation on what to do to make sure your lungs.

We knew, my sister called and explained to us what the virus was, what it is rather.

And she already said, this is what you need to do for your breathing treatment and you need to exercise, just start exercising.

So I was doing all the precautions and I thought I was well but on March 27th is the day I would never forget where I couldn't breathe.

And I was frantic at the time, I couldn't breathe.

And so I knew I worked for the Democratic Party of Wisconsin.

So I reached out to my employers like, hey, I think I have it.

Where can I go get a test?

Because the organization was very engaged on making sure that we were up to date.

So I reached out to them and they encouraged me to go to the ER.

I went to the emergency room and at the time they didn't have enough tests and I didn't have any pre-existing conditions.

But they told me most likely I have it and go home and take two Tylenol and separate from the family.

And during that time, I was really upset because all I wanted to do was breathe.

And I knew what was coming, all the information that was coming out from the President of the United States at the time was inaccurate because my sister did a family call to educate us on what the virus is and how to take care of yourself.

And during that time, all I kept thinking is, because during the whole time I was struggling breathing and then I started having all the other symptoms, constant headache, extreme fatigue where my blanket was so heavy for me to even cover myself up once the blanket fell off.

I knew during that ordeal, I could not die, I did not want to die.

Because of the myth information about this virus.

And I just used to just pray and pray and pray that I will overcome it.

So it was a challenging moment.

- Wow.

Wow.

Thank you.

Pastor Lewis, how about you?

- Well, when, you know, at first I was getting sick and I went to the clinic and they treated me for some other illnesses, bronchitis and they gave me a five pack of treatment for bronchitis.

And after that, I felt even worse.

And you know, and I'm not one that really I can go to the doctor a lot.

My wife has always complained about that, but I called a doctor cause we couldn't go out anywhere.

I called a doctor and the doctor told me that I should go get a test and they set it all up.

And then after that I got my results and I was devastated because I knew it might mean death for me.

You know, I'm diabetic and I'm 62 years old.

And I was devastated when they told me that.

I was almost, you know, but they told me to just lay around and rest and take plenty of Tylenol, drink plenty of liquids.

And I was laying in there and I was dying.

I told my wife, I said, baby, I'm dying.

And so we got an invitation to go to the hospital and I took it.

And when I got there the doctors, they asked me three questions.

They said, do you have all your business in order?

You know, I was like, wow.

I said, yeah.

And who's going to take care of it?

I said, my wife.

And then they asked me, if you stop breathing, do you want us to resuscitate you?

And I was like, huh?

You know, dead.

The doctor said, that's okay because if you become unconscious, we won't be able to resuscitate you.

And they expected me to die.

But what I didn't know is that not only did I have bronchitis, I had pneumonia and I had a lung infection and I'm diabetic.

So they expected me to die but I didn't because they filled me up with antibiotics and then the rest of the stuff, would resolve with the antibiotic but I fought off the COVID-19 with my own body.

So that was important, you know?

And then the third thing that doctor told me was that if you don't do exactly what we say, you're going to die.

And I said, wow, they had counted me out.

But I'm also the Executive Director of Souls to the Polls.

And there's stuff that I want people to know.

Until you are dead, you need to make sure you take care of your business.

You need to keep fighting for whatever it is that you're fighting for.

So I told them, you might think I'm dying but keep that phone in here because I still got work to do with our Souls to the Polls.

So I was there messed up, but I thought I was going to die.

And I probably would have if I'd not got to the hospital on March 27th, I would have died.

- I am so glad you're still here.

We're glad you're still here.

And I can only imagine what that felt like in those moments to hear that you were potentially going to die.

- Yeah.

- And that you would not be resuscitated if you did.

And so that's a great segue really into us talking about like the mental health impact or the toll that it takes on our mental health.

And so experts are naming mental health as the next pandemic.

Simmone, I really would like you to kick us off just really talking about what your experience was in terms of the mental and emotional toll habit COVID-19 had on you.

- Sure.

Well, as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I work with clients every day.

And some of my clients prior to me contracting the virus also had experienced COVID-19 and the symptoms.

And so as a therapist, I was working every day to try to encourage folks to definitely do what the doctor is saying, to try to turn the news off or the media surrounding COVID-19.

Because like many of us have mentioned, the information that comes in the airways and to our ears and our brain, it floods up.

And even if we think that it's not affecting us, the news and the information affects us every day.

There as a therapist that, you know, you try to separate yourself from some of the things that you're doing for work purposes.

However, working with clients daily trying to encourage them and lift their spirits.

Once I realized that I had contracted the virus, I had to do the same for myself.

I had to try to lift my spirits and not over worry, but to talk mostly about the impact that it had on me mentally.

It was the fear for me in particular, fear of kind of what I mentioned, you know, not being able to be around specific people.

Who's gonna take care of me, are my affairs in order.

Have I said everything I needed to say to my children and what that looks like.

But the social isolation is a major issue because at that point I hadn't contracted the virus until late September of 2020.

And so at that point, I had heard of many, many many people, loved ones and friends who had contracted and they fought through it.

But the fear of knowing that that quote is something that is taking people out in this country, in this world is a serious fear.

And so definitely depression, thinking was a little harder for me or social isolation, not so much the loneliness piece that I hear a lot of people talking about because some folks don't have loved ones at home to take care of them or family members that can stop by and bring soups and juices.

I needed to stay hydrated.

I do have a partner.

And so he was very present for me, very, very present but I had many friends that stopped by and drop things off on my porch.

I got a (indistinct) and a call But what I really know that was an issue for me was fear of leaving here and not being with my loved one.

Because the isolation since the beginning of the year and here I am in September and I still haven't been able to be in contact with so many loved one because we'd been in quarantine, you know, trying to be safe.

And here I am feeling like my chest is about to explode.

The weakness that was in my body kept me from dialing to talk to people.

It kept me from texting.

I was that weak.

As I was just fearful of, am I ever gonna get my strength back?

Am I ever gonna see my loved ones and be able to spend good time with them?

And so outside of fear and depression-laden people, there's also foggy brain syndrome.

There's an issue that COVID is affecting your clarity, your ability to understand the day, the date, the time what I'm supposed to be completing.

And I feel to this day, I have some symptoms of foggy brain.

And I don't know of another technical way to say that other than it's fogginess, it makes me feel like everything I have to do with an extra effort, I have to stay focused a little longer.

And so, you know, anybody who can agree I see David's shaking his head and Arkesia.

Like, if you guys have that tell me a little bit about that too because I really went through that, Arnitta.

The inability to stay focused on what's most important and what I need to do.

I had to write myself notes, I did a lot of praying and a lot of focusing on the higher power who I believe in is God because I needed to understand that I was okay.

And that I needed to take some moments to just take deep breaths, focus on mindfulness, being in the moment and not so much focusing on the fear of what to come.

Because you just don't know.

And you'll end up driving yourself really, really, really, really anxious.

You'll bring anxiety and worrying about what you can't control.

And so I had to learn how to slow that train down.

- Yeah.

You know, I can attest to that.

I definitely experienced the anxiety.

So all kinds of thoughts go through your head.

There was one night in particular I remember really struggling to breathe in the middle of the night.

And it was that moment when I felt most that I was worried about dying.

For the most part, I didn't have that fear.

Honestly, I worried about what people were going to think, right?

So I work in the City's Health Department.

So I work in public health.

I've been on the news talking about masking up and, you know, staying safe.

And I did have on my mask at the time but I have to be honest and say, that was something that I did think about and I was concerned about.

But more so it was just the random feelings or symptoms of anxiety.

Definitely the brain fog, I absolutely had that.

And then just the frustration around that when I know what I want to say and the words are not coming.

- Yeah.

- Or I can't remember something.

So that was very difficult.

And I'm just interested to know as for Lewis, Representative Bowen, Arkesia, what were the mental health, what were you feeling?

What was the impact on your mental or emotional wellbeing?

- I'd like to jump in and share my experience.

When I was sent home from the ER to take two Tylenols and separate from the family, before then I was already doing basic exercises.

But when I got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed, I literally felt my body going through a process I haven't experienced before.

Like I was feeling like I was laying there dying, feeling the aches of things stopped working, literally.

And that played a huge mental game on me because I have a child.

If I'm gone, what's next I thought.

He's in a young adult now.

But as a parent, those kinds of concerns go through your head as you feel your body shutting down.

Because during COVID, I didn't have an appetite.

I couldn't drink.

I couldn't even get out of bed let alone considered continue the exercises or the breathing treatments I was giving myself.

So that start playing a mental fight for me.

Like I realized I had to dig deep and get into my prayer life.

I'm very spiritual.

And I literally had to just talk and pray and fight through it until I got the urge to stumble and go online and pull up a prayer.

Literally, I had to turn on my laptop and pull up a prayer that was going to engage me spiritually because what I was feeling during that time I felt like I was about to leave.

And that mental fight, that mental battle I had, I had to find it deep in myself to continue fighting.

And it's something I don't ever wanna experience again.

But when I started to become more better then I started exercising.

At the time when I started getting better, I could only do three jumping jacks.

'Cause I knew I had to start building my lungs and my breathing back up.

And when I thought I felt better, I was like, Oh, I can go back to work.

I caught myself going back to work and realized I couldn't comprehend anything.

I have to accept that right now, I'm still in the recovery process.

And that was a challenge, a mental challenge for me.

As a woman, I'm used to go, go, go work, work, work.

And I really had to accept that I'm not ready to return to work.

I'm not ready to be out and operating in my role because mentally and emotionally and physically I was not ready.

And that's also a hard challenge or a mental challenge to accept.

- You know, one of the things I really think about I was at the time, the people around me were like, down playing this whole virus.

They were like, Oh, it's just the flu.

So you just get it and you be in your house for a couple of days and you'll shake it off.

And then all of a sudden it gets back to normal.

No, that was not what the experience was.

And particularly one of the things that really got to me was watching the CNN death ticker go higher and higher and realizing the depth of the seriousness of how this virus can really threaten your life and how much it really can attack your body even if you have no pre-existing conditions.

So I saw a number of stories across the country, what people that were younger had no previous health effects and still passed away, still lost their life to the virus or had like serious hospitalizations as well.

So that really got to me.

As Simmone was talking about a level of depression, it definitely was there.

I think I had, because it was on the front end of the virus contracting and spreading.

Everybody wants to be very cautious.

So I think the minimum that they were telling you to stay quarantined was four weeks at that time.

So I took an extra two.

So I was locked up in my apartment for about six weeks by myself.

- Yeah.

- And I would have people that would check on me but a lot of times it just felt like as if people were just checking on me to see if I was dead yet, like if I am passed away already.

And you know, that level of abandonment and just feeling like, okay, God, I guess this is just how I'm supposed to end this.

And I'm thankful that I grew closer to God during that time, more than any other time in my life.

- You know, I was not afraid of dying.

I'm gonna tell you I was afraid after I couldn't walk, I couldn't taste anything, I couldn't eat.

I didn't eat for three weeks.

If I picked up a bottle of water, it felt like a 20 pound weight.

All I could do was lay there or else I would be sore from just moving because I was so fatigued and I was totally debilitated and I didn't know how sick I was but my faith kinda kept me going.

And I had a call from the hospital the other day and she was talking about how people have these things going on after all this COVID and how she was expecting me to be going through some of the post-traumatic syndromes of COVID.

And I told her that, my trust in God was so strong that I just didn't feel like that it was anything that I couldn't overcome.

And so my mental state was good, but physically I know I'm not fully healed, from March till now my respiratory system is not really as strong as it used to be.

You know, even when you holler as a preacher, you know, sometimes you want to holler and you just can't holler.

You start coughing.

I said, wow, I might never be the same.

So in saying that, I'm gonna say this when I was dying, I was not afraid.

But when I found out I was gonna live, I was scared to death because I said, I'm never gonna be the same.

I was totally frightened, but they said you're gonna be okay.

I said, wow, am I gonna be like that?

Because I couldn't walk and I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't even go to the bathroom.

I couldn't do anything.

I thought I was going to be like that the rest of my life.

But I recovered to the point I am now.

You can view the full hour long Listen MKE on our website, MilwaukeePbs.org.

And while you're there, make sure you check out two links both in reference to the MLK Holiday.

We'll feature some of the past winners of the MLK Speech Writing Contest, which is a part of the city's holiday celebration.

This year's program will be fully virtual.

And James Causey talks with author and Marquette Professor Cedric Burrows about the King legacy and his new book called 'Rhetorical Crossover'.

Both can be found on our website, Milwaukeepbs.org.

And before we close tonight, on February 4th at 7:00 PM, I will be one of the co-hosts for the vaccine at Milwaukee PBS special.

You'll be hearing more about that in the next few weeks.

And on January 27th, Black Nouveau will present its second webinar understanding implicit bias hosted by Kima and Dasha Kelly Hamilton.

I spoke earlier with them about that event.

What do you mean by implicit bias and why is it important that people understand that?

- Implicit biases are the unknown habits that we have as humans that affect how we relate to one another as humans.

And it's important for every human to be aware of other habits and the engines that keep us moving so that we can be more accountable for how we progress and do better in the future.

- So what do you hope that participants then get from this project?

- The clarity that we are all at the mercy of implicit biases.

Sometimes when we get into certain conversations, we have a preconceived notions around who can be biased and frankly we're all biased, right?

Like if I saw me walking down the street, I would probably be aware of that and make adjustments, right?

And imma say, am black man myself, but who evolved who was also been influenced by some of the implicit biases.

- For sure.

And you just seem so excited about this project.

So and it brings smiles to your faces but what sparked your interest in this project?

- Being able to find a way to have honest conversations through the timeline of implicit bias of diversity training and cultural awareness and these different exercises that people are drugging to sometimes in their work.

And it's something you check a box, you did it and you don't necessarily leave feeling changed to actually have this workshop as a conversation.

We're excited to see how people find themselves more open to being honest and how you're able to hear information that helps us all be a little bit better at the workplace and just in life.

- There's more information on understanding implicit bias on our website and that's gonna do it for this edition of Black Nouveau.

I'm Earl Arms stay black y'all.

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